4 Sex Myths That Get in the Way of Great Relationships—According to a Certified Sex Therapist
When it comes to sex and intimacy, many of us carry silent stories shaped by pop culture, outdated norms, shame, or even early experiences. While these myths may be unspoken, it may be surprising to know that they can be deeply felt and internalized, and even negatively impact your sex and relationship life.
Let’s start by separating fact from fiction so that myths are not getting in the way of a genuine connection, your sexual confidence, or your relationship satisfaction.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist serving Northern Virginia and Washington, DC, I often work with individuals and couples who feel alone in their struggles with desire, performance, or communication. I cannot stress enough that you are not alone. So many people and couples struggle with the exact same things. And many of the struggles you might be facing are rooted in misinformation, unrealistic expectations, or unprocessed emotional blocks—not personal failure.
Alright, let’s jump in and bust 4 of the most common sex myths and explore how sex therapy and couples counseling can help:
Myth #1: “Sex should always be spontaneous and effortless.”
This myth is one of the first things couples often lead with in our sessions together. They are baffled, perplexed, and often carry shame that sex their sex is not “effortless” or “spontaneous.” Instead many couples feel that sex has to be planned and that it can even lead to feelings of stress.
Truth: Here’s the truth. In long-term relationships, spontaneous desire isn’t always the norm—and that’s okay! Many couples experience “responsive desire,” which builds through intentional touch, connection, and emotional intimacy. Good sex often takes planning, communication, and effort. So if you find yourself having to schedule a sex date, don’t sweat it! Sex is often something that has to be planned for and executed just like any other thing we want to do in our week and life that holds value and importance to us. I encourage many couples to not see this as “scheduling” but as “planning.” And planning takes foresight and work. If that means you have to put it on the shared calendar, that’s ok! It doesn’t make it less real—it makes it more mindful.
Myth #2: “If we need therapy, something is seriously wrong.”
Truth: Seeking relationship or sex therapy isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a sign of investment. At some point in a long-term relationship, couples find themselves needing intervention to help address certain parts of their relationship. Many thriving couples use therapy to strengthen emotional and sexual intimacy, heal past wounds, and learn how to talk openly about their needs. Let’s start seeing couples therapy for what it actually is- a proactive step toward growth, not a last resort.
Myth #3: “Good sex looks like what you see in movies.”
Truth: We have all been consuming romance and movies from a young age and they almost always portrays sex as passionate, flawless, and orgasmic every time. Let’s take this scene- two people start passionately kissing, then two seconds later are in the midst of sex, then 4 seconds later are both having simultaneous blissful, earth shattering orgasms….That’s probably a scene you can conjure up with little difficulty and for many people actually think that’s how sex should be. The truth is that those scenes are a far cry from what most of us experience in our relationships.
Real-life sex is often imperfect, vulnerable, playful, messy, and deeply meaningful in ways that movies don’t capture. It’s okay to laugh during sex, to not finish at the same time, or to explore new things together. And it’s ok if sex is an area that doesn’t click right away. Every individual is different and every couple is different and needs time and space to define their sexual normal and rhythm.
Myth #4: “Using toys or trying something new means something is wrong.”
Truth: Tools and techniques are not a sign of brokenness—they’re part of sexual creativity. Whether it’s toys, kink, fantasies, or simply a new conversation, expanding your erotic repertoire can deepen connection and help couples rediscover pleasure and play. Also, it can make sex way more fun and way more pleasurable! Don’t worry that toys mean you’re being replaced. The truth is there is no replacement for the human and couple connection that sex provides. But using toys can be a gateway to experiencing intense desire, eroticism, and pleasure.
How Sex Therapy Can Help
As a licensed therapist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, I work with individuals and couples throughout Northern Virginia and Washington, DC to:
Address concerns around low desire, erectile dysfunction, or mismatched libidos
Heal from betrayal, trauma, or shame that interferes with intimacy
Explore kink, non-monogamy, or sexual identity in affirming ways
Rebuild connection and communication in relationships
Move from “performance” to presence and pleasure
Sex therapy provides a compassionate, nonjudgmental space to unpack the stories we’ve inherited and create new ones—ones rooted in trust, consent, curiosity, and joy.
Ready to Take the First Step?
If you’re curious about how sex therapy or couples counseling might support you, I offer a free 15-minute consultation to help you get started. Whether you’re navigating changes in your relationship or exploring your sexual self, you deserve support that’s knowledgeable, affirming, and specialized.
Let’s work together to replace myths with truths—and help you feel more connected, confident, and empowered in your relationships and your body.
