Feeling Disconnected From Desire? You're Not Alone
Proven Ways to Reignite Desire from an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist
Is Your Sex Drive Lower Than It Used to Be?
One of the most common life complaints from people of all genders, orientations, and ages is a drop in desire. This is bound to happen to all of us at some point in our lives. But when it does it often causes frustration, confusion, and even feelings of shame. It can also become an obstacle in having sex with a partner, causing strain on the relationship. Here’s the good news-even though this drop in sex drive is common it doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. Low desire is highly treatable and help is available.
Whether you’re in a relationship or navigating this solo, low libido can have a tendency to hit your confidence, sexual connection, and overall well-being. But don’t despair! Help is available and there are ways to get your desire revving again in your life.
What Causes Low Sex Drive?
Before looking at how to treat low sex drive, let’s first understand all the many factors at play that can cause our libido to shift.’
Stress, anxiety, or depression: These are what I call the “Big 3.” These are typically the top reasons libido drops. And at some point in our lives, every human experiences one form of these three, but more usually a combination of them in some way or fashion. Treating these issues and attending to them is an absolute must to reclaim desire. While these three are bound to pop up at certain times of life, make sure you're attuned to what may be causing each and work to find ways to reclaim well-being and mental health.
Relationship or communication issues: This is another huge factor in loss of desire, especially in partnered sex. You’ll hear me say this again and again-sexual connection and emotional connection are imperative for many people to feel desire, get aroused, and want to be sexual. This is not just a stereotype, nor is it limited to one gender or orientation. This is almost universal and constitutes a significant component of how humans interact in relationships. If your relationship is struggling, there’s a pretty more than likely chance that it’s also struggling in the bedroom.
Hormonal shifts or medical conditions: While hormonal shifts are inevitable in certain times of life, they also impact sex drive and can sometimes cause it to tank. Many women cite perimenopause as a time of hormonal fluctuation, and men, as they age, often worry that they aren’t as aroused as they used to be. While this is normal and part of the aging process, it is still treatable and there are ways to get reignite desire.
Sexual pain or past trauma: Sexual pain like-vaginismus, vulvodynia, or dyspareunia-are major libido killers. Past sexual trauma can also be a major factor in not desiring sex, due to the traumatic impact it has on a person, their body, and mind. If you are experiencing sexual pain or trauma-related symptoms in sex with your partner, reach out immediately to a certified sex therapist and start addressing ways to heal and navigate sex where it can be reclaimed and centered around pleasure.
Parenting, caregiving, or burnout: I mention time of life as a major disrupter to sex drive, and parenting and caregiving (in either a child or elderly parent) roles can significantly plummet sexual desire. Burnout from work-related stressors can also cause a desire to be at all-time lows. Just like with mental health, these things need to be attended to to make sure that you’re finding ways to put on your oxygen mask and prioritize your needs as well as you navigate these important life changes and roles.
Mismatch in desire with a partner: This is primarily the number one reason couples come to sex therapy. Don’t worry, it is perfectly common for couples to have differences in libido and sexual desire. It’s all about finding a way to communicate in healthy ways, leaving the passive-aggressive comments at the door, and finding ways to compromise and navigate these differences in a respectful and healthy way.
How Sex Therapy Can Help
Working with a certified sex therapist can help you:
Understand the root causes of low desire
Reconnect with your body and pleasure
Explore desire differences with your partner
Build confidence and improve communication
Create a sex life that feels fulfilling—on your terms
Sex therapy is a safe, shame-free space to talk about what’s going on. It’s collaborative, warm, and focused on helping you move forward—not on labeling you or fixing something that’s “broken." It is a chance to work on these issues and find solutions and ways forward to reclaiming desire, pleasure, and good sex.
You Deserve Pleasure—And Support
It’s okay to want more for yourself. It’s okay to ask questions, get help, and explore what desire means to you now. You don’t have to figure it out alone.
If you're struggling with a low sex drive and want support from someone who understands the emotional, physical, and relational sides of sexuality, I’d love to help.
Let’s Talk!
I offer sex therapy for individuals and couples in Washington DC, Northern Virginia, and virtually across the region. My practice is inclusive, trauma-informed, and welcoming to LGBTQ+, poly, and kink communities.
Reach out today to schedule a complimentary consultation.
