5 Relationship Resolutions Actually Worth Making | VA & DC Couples Therapy
Dr. Nicole Irving, Ph.D., LPC, AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist | Restorative Solutions Therapy | www.restorativesolutionstherapy.com
Dr. Nicole Irving is a licensed psychotherapist providing relationship and sex therapy services to clients in Virginia and Washington, DC.
Relationship resolutions sound wonderful in theory, but when was the last time yours actually stuck beyond February? If you're nodding in recognition, you're certainly not alone.
Most couples start with good intentions, but vague promises to "communicate better" or "be more present" often fade when life gets messy. The problem isn't your commitment—it's that many relationship resolutions are too abstract to implement when you're exhausted, triggered, or simply caught in old patterns.
Although we all want deeper connection, genuine intimacy requires more than wishful thinking. It demands practical, sustainable practices you can return to even during challenging times. These five relationship resolutions work because they're specific, actionable, and address the core needs that keep relationships thriving: safety, appreciation, forgiveness, quality time, and shared purpose.
Whether you're looking to revitalize a long-term partnership or strengthen a newer relationship, these resolutions offer a framework for creating the connection you both deserve. The beauty of these practices lies not in their complexity, but in their simplicity—making them easier to maintain when real life happens.
Fight Clean and Fair
Image Source: Verywell Mind
Conflicts in any relationship are as natural as breathing. In fact, fighting isn't a sign your relationship is failing—it's how you fight that determines whether your relationship will flourish or flounder. Learning to fight clean and fair might be the most valuable resolution you can make for your relationship in 2026.
Fight Clean and Fair: What it means
Fighting fair means disagreeing respectfully while protecting your emotional connection. It involves expressing your needs and feelings honestly without attacking your partner's character or worth. Rather than viewing conflict as something to avoid at all costs, fighting fair treats disagreements as opportunities to understand each other better.
At its core, fighting fair means focusing on the issue at hand instead of the person. It requires staying calm enough to hear your partner's perspective while clearly communicating your own. Moreover, fighting fair means choosing words carefully, avoiding contempt, and maintaining respect even when emotions run high.
Clean fighting doesn't mean holding back your true feelings. Instead, it means expressing those feelings constructively without resorting to manipulation, threats, or bringing up past unrelated hurts. As researchers have found, one of the best predictors of divorce is not whether a couple fights, but how they fight [1].
Fight Clean and Fair: Why it works
Fighting fair works primarily through creating safety in your relationship. When partners know they can disagree without fearing personal attacks or emotional abandonment, they're more likely to bring up issues before resentment builds.
Studies show there are clear patterns in how couples handle conflict. Dialog (an active and constructive strategy) and loyalty (a constructive yet passive approach) correlate positively with relationship satisfaction, whereas conflict escalation and withdrawal correlate negatively [2]. These findings highlight why learning to fight fairly is so crucial—the wrong approach doesn't just leave issues unresolved; it actively damages your connection.
Furthermore, research indicates that 69% of problems in relationships are actually unsolvable [3]. This surprising fact underscores the importance of fighting fair since many conflicts will need ongoing management rather than one-time solutions.
Couples who implement fair fighting rules develop greater trust and intimacy over time. Beyond merely solving problems, fair fighting creates an environment where both partners feel respected and valued even during disagreements.
Fight Clean and Fair: How to implement it
Implementing fair fighting requires commitment from both partners and practice over time. Here are essential guidelines to transform how you handle conflict:
Use "I" statements - Replace "You always forget our plans" with "I feel disappointed when plans change unexpectedly." This simple shift focuses on your feelings rather than your partner's perceived failures.
Take time-outs when needed - Agree beforehand that either partner can call a brief break (15-30 minutes, not longer than 24 hours) if emotions become too intense [4]. This prevents saying things you'll regret later.
Listen to understand, not to respond - Practice reflecting back what you hear before offering your perspective. This validates your partner's experience while ensuring you've truly understood their point.
Stick to one issue - Avoid bringing up past grievances or unrelated problems. As one relationship expert notes, "Choose one topic and stick to it" [5].
Ban contempt completely - Eliminate eye-rolling, mockery, sarcasm, and name-calling from your conflicts. Research consistently shows contempt is particularly damaging to relationships [6].
For relationship growth through conflict, remember that fighting fair doesn't mean fighting less—it means fighting better. The goal isn't to "win" arguments but to understand each other more deeply while protecting your emotional connection throughout disagreements.
Through consistently applying these principles, you transform potential relationship landmines into opportunities for deeper intimacy. Additionally, you model healthy conflict resolution that benefits not just your relationship now, but potentially future generations [5].
Practice Daily Gratitude
Image Source: Diana Coulter
The simplest actions often yield the most profound results in relationships. Expressing appreciation may seem basic, yet many couples overlook this daily practice that research shows strengthens bonds more effectively than grand gestures.
Practice Daily Gratitude: What it means
Daily gratitude in relationships involves consistently recognizing and expressing appreciation for your partner's actions, qualities, and presence in your life. Unlike generic thankfulness, relationship gratitude focuses specifically on acknowledging how your partner enhances your life through both small kindnesses and significant support.
This practice shifts attention from what might be lacking to what's working well. As one couple discovered, sending monthly appreciation lists to each other "started as a joke and turned into a little love letter... which kept the spark alive" [11]. In essence, gratitude builds a habit of noticing the good in your partner rather than taking them for granted.
Practice Daily Gratitude: Why it works
Research confirms that gratitude fundamentally changes relationship dynamics. Couples who regularly express appreciation report higher relationship satisfaction the following day [12]. Furthermore, studies show gratitude helps identify and value potential cooperators—people who demonstrate they care and might continue doing so [5].
The psychological benefits extend beyond the relationship itself. Gratitude reduces stress hormones, diminishes anxiety, and promotes relaxation [4]. Consequently, couples practicing gratitude experience increased levels of joy, trust, and commitment—qualities essential for a thriving marriage [13].
Perhaps most surprisingly, expressing gratitude leads to more spontaneous affection between partners, including hand-holding and kissing [12]. Eventually, these small positive interactions create what researchers call a "snowball effect" of mutual value [5].
Practice Daily Gratitude: How to implement it
Implementing daily gratitude requires intention but needn't be time-consuming:
Create a gratitude ritual - Set a specific time daily to share appreciation, such as during dinner or before bed. One effective approach involves each partner sharing "Today I'm grateful to you for..." followed by "And in general, today I'm grateful for..." [14]
Express appreciation for both big gestures and small actions - Tell your partner specifically how they made you feel rather than keeping it to yourself [11]
Start a gratitude journal together - Weekly or monthly, write down what you appreciate about each other. Some couples maintain "highlight reels" at week's end, noting their best shared moments [13]
Focus on your partner's responsiveness - When expressing gratitude, highlight how your partner responded to your needs rather than what it cost them [15]
Altogether, gratitude practice succeeds because it trains your brain to notice the good. As one expert notes, "When gratitude becomes a habit, it becomes part of who you are" [16]. Through consistent appreciation, both partners feel valued, deepening love and strengthening connection.
Let Go of Old Grudges
Unresolved resentments create invisible walls in even the strongest relationships. Research shows that 69% of problems in relationships are actually unsolvable [17], making the ability to let go of grievances not just beneficial but essential for long-term harmony.
Let Go of Old Grudges: What it means
Letting go of grudges means consciously releasing negative feelings toward your partner despite being hurt. Nevertheless, forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior—it's about freeing yourself from the burden of carrying resentment. According to experts, forgiveness is "an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not" [2].
Fundamentally, forgiveness refers to the person who wronged you, not the wrongful act itself. This distinction helps couples separate their partner's behavior from their worth as a person, enabling healing without dismissing legitimate hurt.
Let Go of Old Grudges: Why it works
Beyond emotional benefits, releasing grudges yields significant physical health advantages. Research links forgiveness to decreased stress, rage, and psychosomatic symptoms [3]. Conversely, holding grudges correlates with higher blood pressure, cognitive decline, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, and anxiety disorders [18].
Within relationships specifically, forgiveness strengthens emotional intimacy and fosters a healthier partnership [19]. Despite common misconceptions, forgiveness isn't a sign of weakness—it demonstrates strength, character, and love [20]. As a relationship expert, I see that when we are able to forgive, we are able to heal. And, no this doesn’t mean that everything is forgotten, but it does mean that we’re trying to move forward from a place of hope without letting past hurts taint your future.
Let Go of Old Grudges: How to implement it
Implementing forgiveness as a relationship resolution requires deliberate practice:
Acknowledge the hurt - Recognize your feelings without judgment. Resentment often stems from unmet needs or unspoken pain [21].
Identify underlying needs - Ask yourself what unmet need lies beneath your resentment [21].
Practice self-compassion - Treat yourself kindly before attempting to forgive your partner [21].
Invite understanding - Instead of focusing on what your partner hasn't done, share your perspective and invite them to understand [21].
Accept what you cannot control - Recognize that some differences may never change, requiring acceptance rather than repeated conflict [17].
Declare an amnesty - Consider occasionally declaring a "fresh start" with your partner where past grievances are consciously set aside [6].
Remember that forgiveness is both a choice and a process. Although it may not happen instantly for deeper hurts, each step toward releasing resentment creates space for greater connection in your relationship.
Set a Long-Term Vision Together
Just as businesses thrive with clear direction, relationships flourish when partners share a vision for their future. Setting a long-term vision together creates a powerful sense of unity that guides everyday decisions and helps weather inevitable storms.
Set a Long-Term Vision Together: What it means
Creating a shared vision means developing a mutual understanding of where you want to go as a couple. The Gottman Institute calls this "creating shared meaning" and identifies it as essential for lasting satisfaction [22]. Unlike rigid planning, relationship visioneering establishes the overall direction for your partnership.
This shared roadmap helps couples align on crucial life choices—from career decisions to family planning—ensuring both partners are working toward common objectives. Essentially, it transforms individual dreams into a cohesive story you're writing together.
Set a Long-Term Vision Together: Why it works
Couples who establish shared visions report experiencing greater relationship satisfaction—up to 30% higher compared to those without aligned goals [23]. This alignment means fewer disagreements and more peace of mind [24].
Beyond reducing conflict, shared visions foster:
Enhanced communication as couples discuss their desires openly [23]
A stronger emotional connection through working as a team [23]
Increased stability and support during challenging times [22]
As one researcher notes, "When you and your partner are aligned in what you value and hope to achieve together, it strengthens your connection and makes navigating challenges easier" [22].
Set a Long-Term Vision Together: How to implement it
Start by scheduling dedicated "vision sessions" away from daily distractions [25]. Consider these practical steps:
Create a vision board that visually represents your shared dreams [23]
Discuss goals across key life areas: family, career, home, finances, and personal growth [26]
Set both short-term and long-term objectives to maintain momentum [27]
Celebrate achievements together, reinforcing your partnership [25]
Plan regular check-ins (monthly or quarterly) to review progress [28]
Remember that effective vision-setting requires both partners to have equal input. As one expert explains, "When both partners contribute to a combined goal, they acknowledge and support each other as teammates" [29].
Conclusion
Relationships thrive on intentional practices rather than vague promises. These five resolutions work because they address fundamental relationship needs through specific, actionable steps. Fighting clean and fair creates emotional safety, allowing couples to navigate inevitable conflicts while protecting their connection. Weekly date nights, meanwhile, ensure quality time remains a priority despite busy schedules, serving as relationship maintenance that prevents disconnection.
Gratitude practices shift focus toward appreciation, training your brain to notice positive aspects of your partnership daily. This simple habit creates a cascade of benefits, from increased affection to deeper trust. Similarly, letting go of grudges frees both partners from resentment that otherwise creates invisible barriers to intimacy.
Additionally, setting a shared vision transforms individual dreams into a unified journey, helping couples navigate life's complexities with aligned purpose. Together, these five resolutions form a powerful framework for relationship success.
Remember, relationship growth happens through consistent small actions rather than grand gestures. Though implementing these resolutions requires commitment, the process becomes easier with practice. Most importantly, these practices work during both calm and challenging periods, making them sustainable for the long term.
Ultimately, the strength of your relationship depends less on avoiding problems and more on how you respond to them together. Through fighting fairly, prioritizing time together, expressing gratitude, practicing forgiveness, and sharing dreams, you build resilience against life's inevitable challenges. Although perfect relationships don't exist, couples who commit to these practices create partnerships characterized by deeper connection, mutual respect, and lasting satisfaction.
What matters most isn't perfection but progress—taking small, meaningful steps toward the relationship you both deserve.
References
[1] - https://wheatley.byu.edu/date-night-report
[2] - https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it
[3] - https://drjudithorloff.com/how-to-release-grudges-and-resentments/?srsltid=AfmBOoqLLMXfaE5eUAOnV5mDM5x6jAhE1Z6GewPnfoa5q3baQ9HRCmXb
[4] - https://www.abundancetherapycenter.com/blog/the-psychological-benefits-of-gratitude-and-being-thankful
[5] - https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_helps_your_friendships_grow
[6] - https://www.ourritual.com/blog/posts/tips-for-couples-how-and-why-to-let-go-of-resentment
[7] - https://theheartofthemattercounseling.com/the-importance-of-a-weekly-check-in-for-couples/
[8] - https://www.villageoec.com/how-busy-couples-can-prioritize-their-relationship/
[9] - https://xomarriage.com/articles/a-busy-couples-guide-to-prioritizing-their-marriage/
[10] - https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/date-nights-linked-to-stronger-marriages-more-sexual-satisfaction-according-to-new-study-301742711.html
[11] - https://camillestyles.com/wellness/health/healthy-habits/healthy-relationship-habits/
[12] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evidence-based-living/202311/giving-thanks-how-gratitude-strengthens-relationships
[13] - https://www.eaglefamily.org/gratitude-journaling-ideas-for-couples/
[14] - https://mskatehouse.com/2020/07/27/episode-3-our-couples-gratitude-practice-thats-changed-everything/
[15] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-new-home/202011/the-right-way-express-gratitude-in-relationships
[16] - https://bestself.co/blogs/articles/10-ways-to-appreciate-your-partner?srsltid=AfmBOop6TvhGgGUa1qoq30ncjRhnaZ3Mh0EltOtt2SdJB2DdnSMT7i4S
[17] - https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-vs-resolving-conflict-relationships/
[18] - https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/health/a40604353/holding-a-grudge-may-affect-your-health/
[19] - https://positivepsychology.com/forgiveness-marriage-relationships/
[20] - https://auntieannebeiler.com/the-importance-of-forgiveness-in-relationships/
[21] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/family-prep/202411/how-to-let-go-of-resentment-and-open-up-to-your-partner
[22] - https://corevaluescounseling.com/couples/creating-a-vision-for-your-relationship-why-every-couple-needs-one/
[23] - https://www.brainzmagazine.com/post/the-power-of-shared-goals-in-relationships-why-aligning-life-goals-helps-build-a-stronger-bond
[24] - https://www.attheark.org.au/blog/why-aligned-goals-and-values-matter-for-a-healthy-relationship
[25] - https://www.yourcoachmeg.com/blog/how-to-set-killer-goals-as-a-couple-tips-to-help-you-achieve-your-dreams-together
[26] - https://www.livewellplaytogether.com/setting-goals-with-your-spouse-2/
[27] - https://holdinghopemft.com/the-power-of-goal-setting-in-relationships-a-step-by-step-guide-for-couples/
[28] - https://www.ourritual.com/blog/posts/how-shared-goals-improve-couple-communication
[29] - https://modernwellnesscounseling.com/4-reasons-why-setting-goals-is-important-for-your-relationship
